McDonald's Grinch Meal Disappointingly Sanitary

A critique of the new menu item that tragically adheres to federal health codes instead of serving us the pure sludge we were promised.

When a global corporation licenses a character famous for living in a cave and eating literal refuse, the consumer expectation is clear: this meal should threaten the digestive system.

Unfortunately, the new McDonald's Grinch Meal chooses safety over authenticity and delivers an insultingly edible product.

The centerpiece of the promotion is the Dill Pickle McShaker Fries. The concept shows promise because it forces the customer to perform manual labor that captures the Grinch's spirit of misery well, but the execution is cowardly. The seasoning, a tart vinegar powder, lacks the complex notes of dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots or the earthy finish of a sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich that Grinch purists demand.

Instead of tasting like lumps full of gunk, the fries taste like potato chips, a flavor profile borne out of market research rather than a terminally antisocial monster.

The packaging is equally timid. While the box features the Grinch's visage, the materials are standard food-grade cardboard. A bolder brand would have served this meal in a dirty sock or a bag that actively leaks sludge onto the consumer's lap.

The meal is clean, warm, and legally compliant with health codes. It's everything the Grinch stands against.

By refusing to include arsenic sauce or even a single spider in the burger, McDonald's has gentrified the concept of rot and has taken a cultural icon of filth and sanitized him for the suburbs. ■